remembering christian

On our way to Galan, where they have sarturday school for the kids of the trabajadores. Gabriel tells me there is a change of plans. A kid just died so we will go to his funeral. Christian was 16 years old. He drowned in a pool, yet the details are unknown. did he dive in and hit his head? was he too drunk and just passed out? but he is dead now, just a 16 year old boy. He was part of the group of jóvenes that taught after school to help the younger kids in school. The caskett was brought out and a proccession of people began following behind it as it circled around to the church. This is when it hit me - that there was a dead boy there. Not just some idea, but a real body. A drowned body.
We marched on to the cemetery. I tried to write a poem about the event today. But i cannot put it into words. How can i describe a mother`s grief as i feel chills through my body when she falls to the ground and begins sobbing and screaming. His sixteen year old body being lowered into the ground. What kind of event is this for me to practice my writing skills? They have been buried with the boy.
My grief has never been uncontrolable. But the grief of others affects me almost more than my own.


This event has made me think about death a lot. Being an atheist I am completley at peace for when I die. I have no concerns about being burned to death in hell. I do not fear god, or hell, or fell compelled any longer to kneal or make the sign of the cross in church. I have many questions unanswered. But these questions to not bother me because it doesn`t affect how i act on earth. But what about another person who holds different beliefs? perhaps a different view on death would be easiar for a community to handle. It was one of the most heartwrenching funerals i have ever been to. The celebration of life is long forgotten in the feelings of pain and loss of death. He was just sixteen... jaime`s age.
I do not want to be buried in the ground. i prefer cremation, and spread to the wind. I feel my soul would be trapped and cold to be covered with earth.